Tag: brain chemistry

Trying to Quit Drinking? Giving Yourself Permission May Help

Posted on by Lisa

Giving yourself permission to drink could be the beginning of understanding why you drink, and how you might go about better controlling your consumption. Let me explain.

Several years ago, when I was drinking regularly, there is one particular memory which I’ve drawn on for understanding in sobriety. I was about to go out of town, so I had a lot of work to do, but I was also very stressed and wanted to drink.  I just couldn’t do it right then though; I had too much to do, so I had to put it off. What I did next, is very important.

I went to the liquor store anyway, right then, even though I knew I wouldn’t drink my purchase until much later. I did that because I knew that if I secured alcohol now, and gave myself permission to use it later, I would get some relief from the obsessive thoughts and restlessness, which were driving me crazy now.

Planning my drinking was like a sigh of relief, and here’s why.

When you make the decision to drink — even if it’s not going to be until later — you get a reprieve from craving. Obsessive thoughts, restlessness, and discontent are all symptoms of craving. And craving is caused by dopamine.

Dopamine comes from the part of the brain that has latched onto alcohol. This part of the brain is interested in maintaining habit formation, and it’s very powerful.

Dopamine has a really strong motivational aspect as well. In fact, dopamine is as much about getting alcohol, as it is about drinking it. I explain this a little more in detail in another post, and you can read it here. And that’s why we feel a little hint of relief when we mentally allow ourselves to do it, even if we’re not going to indulge until later.

I call this putting off “intentional procrastination”, and it’s an enlightening experience for sobriety, when you can become aware of it. Here’s what’s going on when we feel this.

“Intentional Procrastination” appeases both parts of the brain.

When we put off drinking, we’re appeasing that part of our brain/selves that wants to drink now, which is triggering the craving. We’re basically saying, “you’re gonna get it, just not right now, but later, so relax.” And it does relax. It stops dopamine, for the moment. (The key is, of course, to stop it for good.)

As I’ve discussed in other articles (The Two Wolves Within, July 12, 2019), we have two parts to our brains regarding drinking. One part of us wants – needs – to drink. This is the part of the brain that triggers craving chemicals, dopamine most notably, making us obsess about alcohol and feeling restless until we get it. This part of the brain has no concept of future or past. It is only present moment awareness. And while it urges us to drink now, making the decision to do it later appeases it temporarily.

The other part of the brain/selves is our logical side that doesn’t want to drink. This is the part of us that “knows better”. This part of us knows drinking isn’t a good idea, it’s a temporary fix, it’s a problem, and we need to stop. This is the part of the brain that does have a concept of future consequences and past negative memories. And because it knows drinking isn’t the best plan, it’s all about putting it off. Voila, you’ve satisfied both; for now.

And this is the part of ourselves we want to cultivate and tap into more often, right? It’s the struggle between these two very different parts of us that we find ourselves in every day. And which one speaks the loudest is the one who wins. I addressed this at length in this article.

Try it for yourself — procrastination you can feel good about!

I know I’m not unique and many drinkers have experienced the urge to drink when they can’t. We want to drink, we need to drink, but we can’t right at the moment the urge hits us. Maybe we’re at work, or we have an important meeting, a court appearance, or we’re driving; it’s just not possible right away, so we’ve all put it off in situations like this.

The problem is that maybe you’ve never done it  intentionally just to see how it feels. Have you ever really realized how you feel the minute you decide to put it off, and/or have secured the alcohol for later?

You get a reprieve, and this is something to become aware of . . . and use to your benefit.

Take my “Intentional Procrastination Challenge”  

Notice, I’m not telling you to quit drinking. I’m not even suggesting you don’t drink today, but if you haven’t already started drinking (if you have, you’ll have to wait until tomorrow or when you sober up), just try it.

Intentionally procrastinate drinking today, and see how it feels. Secure the drink, if you need to, and give yourself a time in the future when you’ll drink it. Giving yourself permission to drink is, in itself, a refreshing change — not trying to white knuckle it until you simply cave in.

Tell yourself, “you’re gonna get it, just not right now, but later, so relax.” And see how that feels. Just play around with it, what do ya have to lose?

See if you can feel the internal sigh of relief, a slight sense of security.

When we get both of these parts of our brains on the same page, this not-drinking gig gets much easier, but until then, it can be quite problematic. In fact, that is the immediate problem with relapse or with drinking every day, right? If we could just do what that one part of us who “knows better” wants, we’d be okay, right?

It is possible to get both sides of your brain on the same page for good, and when you do, not drinking no longer feels like non-stop resistance. And this relief issue, after making the decision to put it off, is an important key for understanding.

When we intentionally procrastinate drinking, when we give ourselves permission to do it later, we free something up inside, but we have to try to become aware of that freedom to work with it. Knowing what it is, and where it’s coming from, can help us learn to use it to our benefit.

I can help you with that too, but first things first. Take my challenge!

When Do You First Feel Alcohol?

Posted on by Lisa

This sounds like a dumb question, but when do you first feel alcohol? When do you feel what  you’re drinking? Back when I was drinking, I’m sure I would have answered this question with: “When I drink, of course.” But is that really when you start to feel a little better?

For me, I often started feeling a little better even before I took the first drink. But how could that be? Isn’t it the alcohol that gives us the good feeling we’re looking for? Maybe. Or maybe not.

In last week’s post, I talked about how putting off drinking used to give me a little bit of a reprieve from the obsession. You can read it here. I also challenged you to “Intentionally Procrastinate” drinking to see if you feel a little relief too.

Procrastination you can be proud of – Procrastinators rejoice!

To recap the story from last week, I described an incident from my past when I put off drinking. I did “secure” the goods, however. That means I decided I was going to drink later, and I even went to the liquor store right away to make sure I had it when I needed it. This week, I’d like to take it a step further.

What I didn’t describe in last week’s post, is how I felt on the way to the liquor store to get my “stash”. And I’m gonna be honest, I feel a little weird about writing this, because it feels so extreme and embarrassing.

Maybe I was simply a really desperate “addict”, but I remember how excited I would often get on the way to the liquor store. How pathetic is that?! I have a hard time admitting this, but I really did. Sometimes, I even felt . . .  giddy. I had a little spring in my step, my thoughts seemed already lighter, and I felt more at ease just knowing I was going to get that magic elixir. I was going to feel better soon.

How do you feel when you know you’re going to drink?

Have you ever felt that way?  I used to think to myself, Man, how pathetic am I that just going to the liquor store would make me happier? (Ya gotta know I wasn’t thinking then about writing articles and posting them for all to see. No sir, I was keeping that desperation undercover.)

But now I’m thinking that maybe we need to explore it a little, and maybe it’s something we can work with in sobriety.

So back to my original question: when do you feel the alcohol you drink? Maybe you aren’t even aware that your mood is changing before you even start drinking. It’s worth looking into, don’t you think? Especially if drinking is a problem for you like it was for me.

My take, from a physiological standpoint:

Dopamine is one of the brain chemicals responsible for craving alcohol. It causes obsessive thoughts and uncomfortable restlessness, among other symptoms, until – and this is very important – you secure the alcohol. 

Obsessive thoughts and restlessness are so hard to ignore, because dopamine has a really strong motivation component, which urges us to take physical action or movement. In fact, dopamine imbalances cause the physical tremors and/or uncontrollable movement in patients with Parkinson’s Disease and Tourette’s syndrome. (“What Is Dopamine And How Does It Affect The Brain And The Body?” written by Sarah Fader, May 2019, BetterHelp.com)

What does this have to do with alcoholism? you may be wondering. A lot. Dopamine is behind the obsessive drive to get alcohol, so the acquisition of it actually relieves your symptoms. Dopamine is your brain’s way of urging you to physically go get booze. It’s behind the fidgeting and ill-at-ease feelings we have when we want to drink. Therefore, those symptoms are somewhat alleviated by “securing” our beverage of choice.

In fact, we now know that dopamine is as much about the motivation — the getting of alcohol — as it is about the pleasure of drinking it. Surprising as it may sound, dopamine is motivating you to go get alcohol possibly more than it is urging you to drink it.

And you can learn this by paying really close attention and comparing how you feel before and after you “secure” your liquor.

I started feeling better even before I start drinking, so it’s not only the alcohol that makes us feel better.

Dopamine is the reason for the giddiness, excitement, dare I even say euphoria (?), on the way to the liquor store (or on the way to the refrigerator, or on the way home where you plan to be drinking, or while the bartender is making your drink, etc.)

Think about it. If you’re like me, and you start feeling significantly better while “securing” alcohol, that feeling isn’t coming from the alcohol because you haven’t even started drinking it yet! It’s coming from your brain; it’s coming from you. And that’s the big take away of this article.

Try this simple experiment.

Okay, so this realization may not stop you dead in your tracks and make you never want to pick up another drink, but it is worth considering. If you can become more aware of when you start to actually feel the effects of drinking, and if you’re findings are the same as mine, as you realize the relief is coming from within you, maybe you can take more control of your drinking. It’s worth a try, right?

What to do to become more aware:

As you’re feeling the urge to drink or planning your next drinking episode, rate the desire on a scale of 1 to 10. Then secure your drink of choice, and rate the desire again, before you pop the cork. Is it lower, higher, or the same? Did simply securing your alcohol, make you feel a tad bit better? Now go to my Facebook Page and share your results. And keep reading my blogs, because I’m going to continue to explain what’s going on with you, physiologically.

When do you Decide to Drink?

Posted on by Lisa

For the past couple of weeks, I’ve been discussing “Intentional Procrastination” with regards to drinking alcohol, to help become aware of when you first start to feel whatever you’re after when you drink.

The minute I used to put off drinking for a bit, because I had to for whatever reason, I got a little relief from the craving symptoms – obsessive thoughts, restlessness, anxiety, etc. I used the example of when you just cannot drink for whatever reason, but you need to, so you’re feeling all the crap that goes with the need. But when you decide you’re going to drink, and even take steps to acquire your stash, you feel a little better before you even drink alcohol. Or at least, I did.

A good first question: What experience are you after?

And when you’re trying to quit drinking, that’s something you can work with, right? Because what are we trying to do when we drink every day anyway? Have you ever asked yourself the question? Try it. And try a couple of these too:

  • What experience do you actually want?
  • What do you want to change?
  • Is it (that which you want to change) on the inside or external to you?

I just wanted to feel better, or even okay, would do.

All we’re doing when we drink daily is trying to regulate or maintain a more comfortable existence, right? I mean, no one wakes up saying, “All I want to do is drink myself into oblivion again today and pass out so I’ll be unconscious for another 12 hours”. But none of us really want that because that’s not living.

If that was your actual goal, you’d be doing it now and not reading blogs like mine. I mean, friend, that’s an option, right? In all reality, it truly is. There are plenty of people doing it every day, all day, 24/7/365, then they die. Happens all the time. If that’s your true goal – have at it! What’s stopping you?

You want more; you know you do. You just need to feel better, I get it. (This is as tough as my “tough love” gets.)

Back to the experience of feeling. For me, that’s really why I drank – for the feeling. Is there another reason? I suppose there are lots, but you know we could poke holes in all of them, when it comes right down to it.

Don’t you get a little sigh of relief when you decide to drink, even if it’s not going to happen until later?

The question of the month around here is: When do you feel the alcohol? When do you actually feel what you’re drinking? Do you know? And this sounds like a dumb question, I know, but I realized that I actually starting feeling a little better before I even started drinking the alcohol. Do you?

Security. Comfort.

Last week, I had you take a look at how you feel while in the process of “securing” your alcohol. And I’d like to digress long enough to say, if you’re still with me this week, I use the word “secure” and in quotes, because for me, this is how alcohol felt. Security. Comfort. Feeling better, or even feeling okay. So knowing I was on the way to getting alcohol, made the better feeling kick in before I even started drinking it.

But today, I want a step even further backward to when you first made the decision to drink. Making the decision is key, and it’s also unconscious.

So much of what we do is unconscious, it’s hard to become aware.

The more I became aware of my internal self, the earlier I was able to recognize when relief actually came. And it was not usually when I started drinking; sometimes, I felt better just making the decision to drink. Giving myself permission to drink later, made me feel better in the moment of making the decision, even though I wouldn’t be ingesting alcohol for hours.

If I already had liquor at my disposal, then it was only a matter of time, right? So, then the emphasis shifts from if to when. And that’s actually when the brain dials down the craving chemicals.

Once I made the decision to drink, and I knew it was in my nearly immediate future, I was home free. Then it became a simple waiting game, and I could be a little patient. (Not too patient, don’t get crazy, like I couldn’t wait until tomorrow.)

But making the decision was very important. And once I did, there was nothing and no one stopping me. Making the decision flipped a switch in my brain quicker than anything. I felt it immediately. “I’m doing it. I’m going to drink.” There was power in that decision; actually, there was relief and security in it.

 And that’s one reason I think AA/Twelve Steps Program protocol of calling your sponsor didn’t help me much. Once I had already made the decision in my mind. It was a done deal, and there wasn’t anything anyone could say to me that could change my mind.

For me, at the end of the day, it all came down to what I chose to do when I was alone.

I’m ashamed to admit it, but I used to call my sponsor after I’d already decided to drink, just because I was supposed to, and later I could truly say “I did what I was supposed to do. I called you.” Only, I didn’t hear a word she said.

Sometimes, I was already drinking, because I had made up my mind, and drinking is what helped me; not her words. She couldn’t make me feel better about myself; and that’s why I drank. Her words made little difference.

Back to making the decision. This week, the challenge is to see if you also get a small sigh of relief when you simply make the decision to drink. I don’t have a tool for this though, this is all you.

Just become really aware over the next few days when you feel a tiny bit of relief from planning your drinking. You know what it feels like — something somewhere deep inside sighs, and relaxes a little. (Oh, one caveat, you have to make this awareness before you start drinking. After the first drink, you lose self-awareness.)

It’s okay if you’ve already made the decision.

If you’ve already made the decision to drink, it’s okay. It’s only me and you; and I did it too; every day for a long time.  I don’t judge. I know you’re trying to feel better, and you truly are suffering and this just eases the pain. It’s okay, though. You’re okay. I promise. Don’t worry about trying to change it right now, just become aware of it. Nothing else you have to do.

Maybe you’re at work, and you’re miserable, and all you want to do is have that first drink or two to unwind, take the edge off, get comfortable and warm, slow down your thoughts and slip into a gentler, safer place. Don’t you feel a tiny bit better just deciding you’re going to drink? I did! It got me through the afternoon, so no judgement here.

Seriously, play around with this. It’s very interesting when you start using your mind to examine your brain; or vise-versa because I don’t know which is doing which, but together they’re running your body, your behaviors, and your life. May as well take a peek inside your own head; never know what you’ll learn.

First 30 Days – Why we Feel so Bad

Posted on by Lisa

5 minute read

I guess it goes without saying that stopping drinking is hard. Really hard. Obviously. That’s why a lot of us don’t do it even when we know we need to.

Tomorrow. I’ll do it tomorrow. Today isn’t the day. I just can’t today.

Monday. I’ll do it Monday. New week. New start. I’ll quit Monday, after this weekend.

Next month. I’ll do it next month. Day one will be my first day. I’ll quit then. I’m committed.

After my birthday. It’s time. I have to get a handle on this, so the day after my birthday, I’ll quit. I’ll give myself the best birthday gift that I can. This is going to be the year!

After the holidays. New year. New start. Perfect. I’ll quit for good January 1.

Sound familiar? This was me for many consecutive years – around 20, to be honest. And with each commitment, I honestly meant it.

There was a part of me who really wanted to quit, and a part of me who didn’t.

But I couldn’t, at least not long term, and so I went into several rehabs over the years. (You can read a little about this here.)

It sounds obvious, but the thing I dreaded most about going into rehab, was not drinking, especially for the first several days. Why do we feel so bad? Alcoholics Anonymous describes your state of mind as “restless, irritable, and discontented.” They sure got that right, but times ten for me, or so it felt.

How I hate the feeling of those first days not drinking.

Don’t you? Relentless edginess or an absolute lack of interest in anything – either one is equally miserable in my book.

For me, it went one of two ways – either (A) lacking interest, void of energy, and utter boredom even though I had plenty of distractions.

Nothing to look forward to. If this is sobriety, you can have it!

There’s a reason we feel either relentlessly bored or anxiously aggravated, so read on.

How can you feel both bored and anxious at the same time?

Or the other alternative, (B) jittery, tense and anxious with bouts of agitation verging on anger, punctuated by impatience and extreme irritation. Yep, that pretty much covers it. UGH! Do I want (A) or (B)? Neither.

Nothing feels good.

Such a bad place to be. And just a drink or two would do the trick. Seems like such a simple thing, just one or two.

And as you may know by now, giving into it only strengthens it. It is a fix, I understand that, but it’s temporary, and it means tomorrow, or later, you have the very same situation you have right now.

The problem is that, at the time, I didn’t care about later. I only cared about how I felt now.

Pursuing that type of short-term gratification is a common problem as a person addicted to alcohol. (There’s s good reason for that, but that’s another article topic.)

So, if you’re anything like me, long-term gratification isn’t always foremost in your mind. Sometimes it was, and in some areas of my life, but not with this, and it was very confusing and frustrating.

So, I got curious about my misery while in the last rehab. What’s really happening?  I found out, and for some reason, just knowing what was going on inside my brain and body was enough to just barely tolerate it until it went away.

Why can’t we just go from drunk to sober without feeling like crap?

The short and simplified answer is this: the brain needs homeostasis–stability, balance, equilibrium. And that’s good. It keeps us alive. Body temperature is a good example. If it weren’t for the checks and balances our brains use to keep our body temperature at a fairly steady 98.6 degrees F, organs would be failing right and left, and we never would have made it out of our cave phase.

And while I’m generally glad we have this mechanism in place, when it comes to drinking, it’s not so great. In the trying-not-to-drink-scenario, it’s a serious deterrent to stopping drinking, because we feel so crappy at first.

Our body obviously gets out of homeostasis when we suddenly stop drinking, and it does, unfortunately, take a little time to come back to normal. And, unfortunately again, we can’t skip this part. If we could go straight to feeling okay, we’d do it, no problem. Right?

Your happiness set point needs time to readjust itself.

Back to homeostasis. It’s not immediate. A delicate balance takes a little time to achieve.

In a nutshell, what’s going on is that your capacity to feel happiness – joy, pleasure, or anything good, for that matter, needs to be reset. What used to make you feel good doesn’t right now because that set point was jacked up with alcohol use. Because you’ve most likely been getting a lot of feeling-good chemicals artificially, by using alcohol, and then you’re suddenly not, your mood plummets.

It will reset. It just takes time. So, this is you in the first days without alcohol.

It’s not pleasant, but it’s not permanent.

How long does it take? I think, for me it was probably at around the 15th+ day mark, maybe less. What did I do? Well, I’d like to say I had a secret magic pill. But I didn’t. I hated every minute of it. I just kept thinking, at least now I know the reason for it. It’s temporary. Hurry up brain chemistry – do your thing!

If you’re here now, please don’t give up, because you’re convinced there’s something wrong with you or this is your personality.

You can do this! If I can do it, you can. I am a normal, average person terribly addicted to alcohol for years. I am nothing special. I am no different than you. We are normal human beings having a normal experience.

I could not imagine happiness was possible, when I was experiencing such a dismal beginning to sobriety. And I gave up often over the years, but eventually, I made myself just push through the doubt.

Your brain will change, you just have to ride it out. Try to realize it’s just your brain resetting your happiness point.

It will, and you will feel different and better soon. Please ride it out! Don’t give up now! This is the hardest part. Trust me.