This sounds like a dumb question, but when do you first feel alcohol? When do you feel what  you’re drinking? Back when I was drinking, I’m sure I would have answered this question with: “When I drink, of course.” But is that really when you start to feel a little better?

For me, I often started feeling a little better even before I took the first drink. But how could that be? Isn’t it the alcohol that gives us the good feeling we’re looking for? Maybe. Or maybe not.

In last week’s post, I talked about how putting off drinking used to give me a little bit of a reprieve from the obsession. You can read it here. I also challenged you to “Intentionally Procrastinate” drinking to see if you feel a little relief too.

Procrastination you can be proud of – Procrastinators rejoice!

To recap the story from last week, I described an incident from my past when I put off drinking. I did “secure” the goods, however. That means I decided I was going to drink later, and I even went to the liquor store right away to make sure I had it when I needed it. This week, I’d like to take it a step further.

What I didn’t describe in last week’s post, is how I felt on the way to the liquor store to get my “stash”. And I’m gonna be honest, I feel a little weird about writing this, because it feels so extreme and embarrassing.

Maybe I was simply a really desperate “addict”, but I remember how excited I would often get on the way to the liquor store. How pathetic is that?! I have a hard time admitting this, but I really did. Sometimes, I even felt . . .  giddy. I had a little spring in my step, my thoughts seemed already lighter, and I felt more at ease just knowing I was going to get that magic elixir. I was going to feel better soon.

How do you feel when you know you’re going to drink?

Have you ever felt that way?  I used to think to myself, Man, how pathetic am I that just going to the liquor store would make me happier? (Ya gotta know I wasn’t thinking then about writing articles and posting them for all to see. No sir, I was keeping that desperation undercover.)

But now I’m thinking that maybe we need to explore it a little, and maybe it’s something we can work with in sobriety.

So back to my original question: when do you feel the alcohol you drink? Maybe you aren’t even aware that your mood is changing before you even start drinking. It’s worth looking into, don’t you think? Especially if drinking is a problem for you like it was for me.

My take, from a physiological standpoint:

Dopamine is one of the brain chemicals responsible for craving alcohol. It causes obsessive thoughts and uncomfortable restlessness, among other symptoms, until – and this is very important – you secure the alcohol. 

Obsessive thoughts and restlessness are so hard to ignore, because dopamine has a really strong motivation component, which urges us to take physical action or movement. In fact, dopamine imbalances cause the physical tremors and/or uncontrollable movement in patients with Parkinson’s Disease and Tourette’s syndrome. (“What Is Dopamine And How Does It Affect The Brain And The Body?” written by Sarah Fader, May 2019, BetterHelp.com)

What does this have to do with alcoholism? you may be wondering. A lot. Dopamine is behind the obsessive drive to get alcohol, so the acquisition of it actually relieves your symptoms. Dopamine is your brain’s way of urging you to physically go get booze. It’s behind the fidgeting and ill-at-ease feelings we have when we want to drink. Therefore, those symptoms are somewhat alleviated by “securing” our beverage of choice.

In fact, we now know that dopamine is as much about the motivation — the getting of alcohol — as it is about the pleasure of drinking it. Surprising as it may sound, dopamine is motivating you to go get alcohol possibly more than it is urging you to drink it.

And you can learn this by paying really close attention and comparing how you feel before and after you “secure” your liquor.

I started feeling better even before I start drinking, so it’s not only the alcohol that makes us feel better.

Dopamine is the reason for the giddiness, excitement, dare I even say euphoria (?), on the way to the liquor store (or on the way to the refrigerator, or on the way home where you plan to be drinking, or while the bartender is making your drink, etc.)

Think about it. If you’re like me, and you start feeling significantly better while “securing” alcohol, that feeling isn’t coming from the alcohol because you haven’t even started drinking it yet! It’s coming from your brain; it’s coming from you. And that’s the big take away of this article.

Try this simple experiment.

Okay, so this realization may not stop you dead in your tracks and make you never want to pick up another drink, but it is worth considering. If you can become more aware of when you start to actually feel the effects of drinking, and if you’re findings are the same as mine, as you realize the relief is coming from within you, maybe you can take more control of your drinking. It’s worth a try, right?

What to do to become more aware:

As you’re feeling the urge to drink or planning your next drinking episode, rate the desire on a scale of 1 to 10. Then secure your drink of choice, and rate the desire again, before you pop the cork. Is it lower, higher, or the same? Did simply securing your alcohol, make you feel a tad bit better? Now go to my Facebook Page and share your results. And keep reading my blogs, because I’m going to continue to explain what’s going on with you, physiologically.