During my long, dark road to sobriety, I tried many things to control my drinking. My first attempts were geared toward harnessing willpower.

Many seemed to believe that quitting drinking was similar to stopping smoking–just a question of being strong-willed enough, right? Just make up your mind to do it and do it.

Okay. So, it was time to set a goal: either stop completely, or cut waaay back.

I wrote a contract for myself and signed it. It was official. I wrote it, signed it, and promised myself that I would not drink.

Tactics like that would work for a week or so, but when they stopped working, I would revise them to read “drink only two glasses” or “only two glasses after 5:00 pm” or “only beer”. 

Needless to say, I didn’t keep those promises to myself either.

So even though I didn’t stop drinking, I didn’t let myself get off easy. When I failed to meet my promises, I implemented harsh punishments.  Here is my list of penances (a throw back to my Catholic upbringing):

• Drink only water for five days; no tea, coffee, soft drinks, etc.
• And no “treats” – sweets or pleasurable food for five days;
• No socializing with friends/family for five days;
• No sex or intimacy for five days;
• Only work, clean, exercise, and journal for five days;
• And, of course, NO ALCOHOL.

My commitment lasted for a while, but soon I was back at it. It was a familiar refrain that was repeated several times. I was at my wit’s end. Time to turn to try something different.

Maybe hypnosis is the answer

My mother-in-law had quit smoking through hypnosis, so why not try it? I went to a professional hypnotherapist for six sessions.

Each time, with my eyes closed and my body relaxed, she would describe disgusting images surrounding alcohol, trying to connect negative associations.

Moldy wine grapes, with flies swarming around them and oozing smelly rotten juice.

The acrid taste of bile, acid, and alcohol in the mouth from vomiting.

The fowl odor of beer, vomit, and diarrhea.

A vision of me outside in the middle of the night in the cold, puking over the deck so my children and husband couldn’t hear me in the bathroom.

Every hair follicle on my head hurting with an excruciating pounding headache.

Or the gag-inducing texture of chewed food in your throat from throwing up after drinking too much.

She would record these descriptions and I took them home with me. I fell asleep listening to them every night for a while. That was effective. Temporarily.

Counseling, Religion, and Alcoholics Anonymous

It shouldn’t be surprising that I tried counseling. Did I ever get counseling! To date, just off the top of my head, 12 professionals over the course of 20 plus years.

Religious counselors, secular counselors, Cognitive Behavior Therapists, AA therapists, addiction specialists, EMDR, Regression therapy, schema therapy–you name it, I’ve tried it.

Some have been a waste of time, some have been effective for some things; and finally, fortunately, one was enlightening. We’ll get to that.

As far as religion goes, I was raised Catholic and now consider myself in religious “recovery”, thank you very much, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. I did get counseling from a Methodist minister once whom I liked very much (though it didn’t keep me from drinking).

And I’ve frequented a contemporary Christian mega-church where I was baptized (again), in an effort to stop drinking.

My personal favorite is a non-denominational church that teaches positive universal spiritual principles.

However, in the end, it has not mattered one bit if or where  I worship. Religion is not the answer for me and drinking. Period.

And as far as Alcoholics Anonymous is concerned, I’ve had a love-hate relationship with it. AA is woven throughout the fabric of my recovery, mostly because it was the only structured treatment option available to me.  

All of these attempts to stop drinking have one thing in common – will. But our will isn’t the issue. In my experience, even alcoholics exercise positive will over other areas in their lives. They can be disciplined when they need to be, therefore, there’s more to alcoholism than self-will. What more that is, I did not discover until much later.